


you’ve begun to feel like home

by gazing



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: (brief) - Freeform, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gazing/pseuds/gazing
Summary: “I won’t let them break us.” Annalise says, firmly. “If there’s one thing I want to keep, it’s the home we’ve made together.”





	you’ve begun to feel like home

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO it’s 3am at the time I’m posting this
> 
> I’m really loving the mutual support and EMOTION of bonnalise in s6. its literally only been 2 episodes and yet I’m already satisfied. so here’s a fic which basically shows my take on their dynamic this season
> 
> I moved into uni for the first time a week ago and writing this really made me feel more at home <3 I hope you get a sense of comfort too!!

_ want me to smuggle you some snack food? _

Annalise smiles into the pillow. Her face is hidden by the blankets pulled up to her nose, but the dark, tired lines underneath her eyes ease a little when her phone pings and the name _ Bonnie Winterbottom _lights up on the screen. There's a disapproving sniff from the other side of the room, but Annalise smiles still.

_ better not. wouldn't want you being prosecuted for chocolate trafficking _

She imagines Bonnie in bed, a glass of wine sitting idly on the bedside and her mouth tugging into a small smile when she sees the text. Warmth blooms in her chest when she imagines Bonnie in a dressing gown, maybe, her sharp collar exposed and her small fingers wrapped around her phone in the dark.

_ it's a risk I'm willing to take. _

_ oh, I don't doubt it. _

She's been here only for about three days, but there's something about texting Bonnie and talking to Bonnie on the phone and thinking about Bonnie that makes her homesick. In this dark, sober bedroom there has been only one person beside her, always leaning on her shoulder, forever there to say _ I'm here _even when she doesn't deserve it.

_ just focus on getting better and don't worry about my illegal chocolate activities:) _

Annalise smiles wider.

_ that's far more exciting than what this place has to offer _

_ circle time not for you, then? _

_ far from it _

_ you have to try, annalise _

Annalise imagines Bonnie's serious face. The worried line in her forehead, the thin curve of her mouth, and the stone in her eyes which always makes Annalise squirm with guilt, somewhere deep inside. Bonnie's disapproval is a hard thing, the silent set of her jaw more jarring than any stern word could ever be.

_ oh, don't be like that. I am trying _

_ really? _

_ as much as I can _

_ not at all, then. _

Bonnie knows her too well. The truth is a painful thing, and Annalise blinks at the screen and realises deep inside that she's never had any faith that this whole rehab thing could work. She's been going through the motions. Even from far away, Bonnie sees right through her.

_ wish you were here, _she writes, in an embarrassing moment of weakness.

Though the traitorous phone reads _ seen _for twenty minutes, there's no reply, and Annalise sighs and tucks the phone under her pillow.

It buzzes three hours later, in the dead of night.

_ me too _

And then, minutes after that.

_ I'm so proud of you. _

It's that quiet truth in the dark that gives Annalise the strength to wake up the next morning and repeat the same, inane process that she still hasn't gotten used to yet. It's better than a hug, better than an _ I see you and I love you, _better than the dull tea and the bland sandwiches and the promise of home. 

The acceptance keeps her warm. Annalise can't remember the last time someone was proud of her. After leaving her family behind, after abandoning them to deal with hell alone, it's a small ounce of strength that propels her forward.

Not a cure, but one step forward. Bonnie's love holds her arm when her walk becomes a limp.

*

"Where are you right now?"

Annalise looks out at the stars. She isn't supposed to be outside in the garden, this late, but restlessness had been itching at her in that silent bedroom and calling Bonnie under the night sky while a few owls hoot somewhere in the distance lifts a small weight from her shoulders.

"At my desk." There's a rustling noise, as if papers are being shifted around. "I'm almost there, I nearly know-"

"You're working this late?"

The clock on her phone blinks 1:23am.

"Just a little more-"

"Bonnie." Annalise's voice has a subtle tint of hardness, to it, a warning, "It's late. You should go to bed."

"If I can just have another hour-"

"Go to bed." Annalise says, softly, not a demand but a plead, almost a begging, _ please, _"Take care of yourself. You can figure it out in the morning."

Bonnie sighs.

"I'm fine, really."

"I've heard that one before."

"Annalise-"

"Rest. Please, Bonnie, rest. I know you want to take care of me, okay? I know you want to fix this. But your wellbeing is so much more important than fixing this entire mess. More important than fixing _ me _."

"That's-"

"I can't lose you too." Annalise breathes.

"Okay." Bonnie murmurs. "Okay, I'll go to bed."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

"I'll send you a picture, then."

Annalise hears the slow smile rising in Bonnie's voice and her heart flutters.

"You will?"

"You can't deny concrete evidence."

"Yes I can, Bonnie, I do it for a living. Now go to bed."

"Yes ma'am." Bonnie drawls.

Annalise's stomach twists, and the line goes dead.

Only five minutes later, her phone pings, and a slightly blurry picture of Bonnie tucked into bed with one eyebrow raised makes Annalise smile until her cheeks hurt. There's a soft smile in her cheeks, her face softened by the pillows and a rare sparkle in her eyes that Annalise feels more than honoured to see.

_ I miss you, _Annalise writes. She doesn't mention she screenshot the photo. She doesn't mention the feelings inside of her, squirming and warm.

_ it's only fair if you send one back _

_ oh, you don't want that _

_ why not _

_ i look a fright _

_ annalise _

_ i can't exactly glam myself up here _

_ you're beautiful as you are. show me. _

_ no _

_ please, annalise _

When Bonnie wants something - when she's stubborn, which is rare - there's nothing you can do to stop her. She's a force to be reckoned with, a pillar of strength when she wants to be, an unyielding wall. Annalise sighs. The only person better at holding their ground than her is Bonnie Winterbottom.

_ have it your way. _

So Annalise shows herself at her most vulnerable, standing in a dark garden with nothing to hide her face.

There's a long silence before Bonnie texts again.

_ miss youtoo _

The love between them strengthens, and heals, and grows in the dark. There are no secrets, now. Just the woman on the other end of the phone, waiting for her to come home.

*

Bonnie is waiting by the door on the day Annalise decides to leave. 

She stands there, staring back at Annalise under the afternoon sun, and Annalise has never been more relieved to see anyone in her life. When she steps forward towards her oldest friend, it feels like walking through the doorway of a home you've been away from for a while. The smells and the furniture are the same way you left them, so familiar and soothing, the feeling of discovering home again all at once so fresh and so old.

"Hey." Bonnie says, warmly, taking Annalise's suitcase from her. She smiles a little.

"Bonnie." Annalise says, and Bonnie steps forward to rest her head in the crook of Annalise’s shoulder. 

Annalise rests a hand on the back of her head. They've been close before, but never has it been so easy and so casual to touch her, never has it felt so warm. 

"Welcome back." She says, and Annalise smiles. "Come on, everyone's waiting."

"No rest for the wicked." Annalise sighs, and pulls back. Bonnie's cheeks look a little flushed, perhaps from the sun, perhaps not.

On the way back in the car, they sing along loudly to the _ 80s hits _CD that Bonnie keeps in her car. Laughing like that, they're just two women being happy together, not criminals or liars or people who have been hurt beyond repair. Annalise loses her breath in giggles, and she hasn't done that in a long time, the realisation of this fact bringing tears to the corners of her eyes.

"I need you to drop me off somewhere," She tells Bonnie, once she's sobered up. "I have to talk to Nate."

Bonnie stops laughing very quickly. Her hands twitch around the steering wheel, and her jaw goes stiff.

"Nate?" She asks, slowly, "You're-"

"Oh, it's nothing like that."

"Right."

"Bonnie. I said, it's nothing like that." Annalise pauses. “You know that I don’t want him anymore, right?” 

Bonnie looks carefully at the road. She reaches forward and rests her hand on Annalise’s knee, fingertips warm against Annalise’s leg. 

“Oh.” She murmurs. “Good.”

And that's enough explanation. There are things unsaid, of course, but they're not hiding - they're just waiting.

*

_ It’s not if. It’s when. _

After that night - Bonnie’s confession that she falsified Vivian Maddox’s report and Annalise’s _ you can’t handle the fact that I love you? _still hanging in the air - Bonnie hovers with a defeated gaze, leaning against the doorway as if too tired to hold herself up straight. 

“Goodnight, then.” Bonnie says.

“Wait, I-“ 

Soft fingers wrap around Bonnie’s wrist and hold her steady. Bonnie looks at the point where they are pressed together - Annalise’s fingertips resting gently over Bonnie’s thumping pulse - with unreadable eyes. 

“You don’t have to go.” Annalise murmurs. “You can stay here. With me. If you want to.”

Because why would Bonnie sleep in her cold, empty apartment, when her home is with Annalise? 

Bonnie bites her lip.

“Why not?”

“Annalise-“

“Why not, Bonnie?” 

Bonnie turns her wrist, so their hands are palm to palm, and she intertwines them.

“_ Stay, _please.” Annalise murmurs. She presses a kiss to one of Bonnie's knuckles. “Please.”

And Bonnie breathes shakily.

“Not tonight.” She murmurs. 

Annalise still isn’t used to Bonnie saying no to her. 

“God, _ why _?”

Bonnie’s fingers are gentle when her other hand reaches up to cup Annalise’s soft cheek. 

“Because I- I wouldn’t be able to help myself.” She whispers, and Annalise breathes in sharply at the implication. “Let’s not rush. I love you, you know I do. But we have made too many mistakes by being impatient.”

There, alight in Bonnie’s eyes, is a fire Annalise is familiar with. A fire that’s been there ever since they first met, the burning stubbornness and unwavering strength that’s at the core of Bonnie’s being. Annalise feels overwhelmed, all of a sudden, by the fact that she knows Bonnie - genius, kind, _ loyal _ Bonnie - better than anyone in the world. 

“I don’t want us to be ruined again.” Bonnie whispers, her voice breaking.

Warm and gentle, Bonnie reaches up to press a wet kiss to the corner of her mouth. 

“I won’t let them break us.” Annalise says, firmly. “If there’s one thing I want to keep, it’s the home we’ve made together.”

That’s better than any love confession could ever be. Bonnie is crying when she leaves.

*

The text messages come in the morning. 

_ I want to kiss you Annalise _

_ So much _

_ Please don’t doubt that _

_ And I want to go home with you _

_ And I want to take care of you _

_ Forever _

_ You know I always have right? _

_ You know I always loved you, not Sam? _

_ It’s not that I don’t want you _

_ Just wait for me _

_ When this is all over _

_ That's when we can go home _

_ * _

But Annalise has never been challenged like this before. The FBI are figuring everything out, the Keating 4 are tearing themselves apart, and all Annalise wants is a stiff drink, a full glass, a cold bottle.

One night it’s too much - her hair sticking to her forehead, her face soaked red with rain and tears, Annalise knocks sharply on the door of Bonnie’s apartment, her hand trembling on the wood.

There’s no reply. Annalise rests her head against the door and weeps.

“Annalise?”

The door slips open, and Bonnie - in a plush dressing gown, her hair a little fluffy from drying, her cheeks flushed from her shower - is looking at her, in that disapproving, concerned sort of way.

“Annalise, are you-“

“I need a drink.” Annalise sobs. “I’m disgusting, and pathetic, and I _ need _it-“

“No-“

“I’m useless, Bonnie. I can’t live without it. This is all so hard, I’m always going to be a failure. I can’t solve this, I can’t-“ 

“Listen to me.” Bonnie interrupts, in a hard voice. “You’re not a failure. You haven’t drank and you came to me instead. That’s strength, isn’t it? Do you know how strong you are?”

“Bonnie.”

“I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you.” 

“Bonnie.” Annalise speaks in a broken voice, still half wrecked with tears. “Do you know I love you? Do you know how much?” 

She tries to take Bonnie’s cheeks between her hands to kiss her, but Bonnie shakes her head and slips away.

“Bonnie-“ 

“That’s not what you need.” Bonnie says. 

She wraps her arms around Annalise’s back, and she hugs her tightly, the way you hug someone you really love, the way you embrace them when they’re hurt, or they’re leaving. Bonnie smells like cheap shampoo and ink, her grip so tight it’s painful.

They pull apart and Bonnie rests her forehead against Annalise’s for a gentle second. Then she takes a deep breath, and pulls away. 

“You can sleep on the sofa. There’s water and there’s snack food in the cupboard under the sink. I’m here, okay?”

Annalise is so lucky. She’s so lucky. Bonnie brushes the last tear from beneath Annalise’s eye, and Annalise is so, so lucky.

“When will you kiss me?” Annalise asks.

Bonnie smiles at her in the dark.

“Just wait a little longer.” She says. “Until the dust settles.”

“I love you. I do. Thank you.”

Now Annalise has started saying it, she can’t stop. The confession is home. Bonnie’s hand on the small of her back, guiding her gently into the flat, is home.

*

The dust settles.

People die, and the FBI investigation ends, and Annalise for very complicated reasons fakes her death. But most importantly, after all of this is over, the plaque _ Keating and Winterbottom _is hung above a tiny law firm in the center of the city, a place for the less fortunate to come and be represented by the best defence lawyers in the US.

Annalise turns the page of a file. She runs a hand through her hair, nothing but ease pricking at the edges of her mind. The sun falls through the law firm window and a ray lands on her papers. Home.

A door clicks open.

A strong coffee is set in front of her at her desk. 

A warm hand rests on her back as Bonnie leans over to look at the file.

“Tough one.” She murmurs, into Annalise’s ear. “Need some help?”

“I think I can handle it.” 

“Oh?” Bonnie drawls. Annalise picks up het coffee: just how she likes it. “Confident, are we?”

“Always.” Annalise smiles. “Thanks for the coffee. You really should let me make it for you, too.”

“I like to take care of you, Annalise.” Bonnie murmurs, into her ear. 

Annalise flushes, and takes a sip of coffee with trembling fingers. 

“Look at what we’ve made together.” She says, after a while. She motions around the room. 

“Against the odds.” Bonnie looks out of the window with a smile. “Keating and Winterbottom, hm?”

“Equals.” Annalise says, and Bonnie drags her hand softly from the small of Annalise’s back all the way to the curve of the back of her neck.

“Remember when you said,” Annalise starts, her voice purposefully steady, though she can feel her pulse in her ears, “When this is all over, you would-“

She looks up into Bonnie’s smile.

”What did I say? I don’t recall.”

Annalise scowls.

”Don’t tease me.”

”Darling.” Bonnie murmurs. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Bonnie takes the coffee from her and sets it back on the table with gentle fingers.

She leans down, into Annalise’s space, hovering above Annalise’s mouth. 

“I said I would kiss you.” Bonnie says, more confidently than she looks. “I said we could go home.”

“Well then?” Annalise says.

“Impatient.” Bonnie tuts. “Haven’t you learned anything?” 

Then she leans down, and she wraps her fingers in Annalise’s hair, and she kisses her, again and again and again, until Annalise’s knees are weak, until she can think of nothing else, just the brush of a tongue, just the soft murmur in Bonnie’s throat and the warm swirling of her stomach. 

“Welcome home.” Bonnie breathes, when she finally pulls away. 

“Oh, Bonnie.” Annalise brushes her thumb over the curve of Bonnie’s cheek. “I’ve been home all along.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I love bonnie with my whole heart
> 
> thanks for reading!!


End file.
